that time of the semester—

packaging is shit. totally, totally, totally. ugh.

basically, i suck at creating 3d stuff. and i'm lethal when i hold a scalpel. don't get me wrong, i do find packaging design interesting, BUT! only when i'm not the one designing.

so i've been stuck at the exact same place for almost 2 weeks. too many things to do, too little time to think, and too little motivation left. not exactly a good combo, yeh? i've been spending my weekend unwinding, wandering around the city, talking shit with friends and trying to de-stress. not exactly productive (in fact, not productive AT ALL) but i do think it was the right thing to do to keep my mental health balanced.

(i'm in dire need of a long, blissful, proper holiday. aren't we all?)

2 weeks of uni left! geez!

feeling insecure is the worst of them all -

i'm scared shit about the future. be it the near future or the long future, same thing. you see, i'm very insecure about my work. i need constant affirmation. and at times (like now, for example) i'll get so insecure that i think my work is not even up to the average standard.

i was told that this will go away as i become more confident, but seriously? i think i'll have to battle this for the rest of my life. my head is full of what ifs — what if no (good) studios like my work enough, what if i don't get a job/internship, what if the competition is even more callous than what they tell us, what if i actually am a very average designer-to-be with too much hope?

i'm scared. the future doesn't entice me that much, and i do think that the real world is overrated, and i'm SO in denial. i'm in such deep shit. ugh.

le cours de français -

i miss my french class.

i miss saturday morning as i knew it.
20-mins tram trip down to st kilda and a couple of minutes walk, while the world's waking up.
(at times it felt so tranquil that it seemed like the world was mine.)

me, my soy latte, my french books, with my ipod playing french chansons.
and i was always so happy to do it that i didn't mind waking up so early on saturday mornings.
and for those 4 hours lessons, i was content.

i miss ccf.
daily long trips to salemba and i was almost always late.

us, the room, the freezing cold aircon, les dames, la médiathèque.
daily short breaks in between with all the little snacks.
daily long lunches and chats afterwards.
and for those 7 weeks, i found a place so close to home.

i miss learning french.

i hate knowing that mine's getting a little rusty.

et cetera -

another week will soon pass. so fast. yet, it feels so long. like, I can't believe that tomorrow is already Sunday, but if you ask me what I did last Monday, I would not have a clue. it feels like a lifetime ago. everything that happened had dissolved into this massive blurriness inside my head. (the heart, however, remembers them vividly.) it feels like my brain is wrapped in masking tape. or magic tape, rather, since it's rather translucent.

remember how i wrote that i was on top of all my projects? well, forget i ever mentioned that. i'm in such deep, deep, deep shit. there are so many things to do that it's ridiculous. and even though i stay up, i get NOTHING done. shit. this coming week will be an insane, intense week. fo' sure. good thing i had a proper friday night or otherwise i would have gone mad.. and i did a little shopping too to de-stress. yay new ballet pumps. yay downloading songs from itunes.

i so need to find a more stable job. if only finding a design internship/part time job is not so frikking hard for non-PRs/non-citizens :( and if only my student doesn't bail out regularly. ugh.

the long overdue update –

well. where shall i start?

uni's been busy, as usual. i stay up late almost every night to get things done bit by bit.
am quite happy to do it voluntarily, actually, being a geek that i am *sheepish smile*
the good thing is, i'm on top of all my projects (for a change!)
the bad news is, living in crazy hours with minimal sleep practically turn me into an insomniac.

i can't believe we've only got 5 more weeks left for this semester. it's exciting yet scary. i do have some ideas about life after uni, but throwing myself to actually do them and seize my dreams is a completely different thing altogether. i hope i can get into the honours program and stay here for at least one more year.. *crosses fingers*

other things.. hmm.. ticket and accomodation for italy trip are booked and paid for :)
i'm still waiting for my visa and we still have to gather around and talk about the itinerary, but so far so good.
found out that, unfortunately, i can't go to the rock werchter festival in belgium because we have to stay in venice on those days. boo for missing keane + mika + lily allen + muse + snow patrol etc but yay for a week in venice! so exciting!!

the website, however, is not going as well as i hope. apart from my label of a graphic designer to be, i have no knowledge in web design whatsoever.. but i know i need to have an online portfolio – people's been asking me to show them my work and i really think that having an online version would make my life heaps easier.
which is why i'm going to venture to borders tomorrow and pick up a "web design classroom in a book" book.
i'm sure it's not that hard, if i actually have the time to try and do it.

oh and i'm kinda seeing someone. it's not official yet or anything, but yeah. life's been beautiful.

i'd better go sleep now so that i won't be late for my italian class tomorrow :)

*bisous*

friendship lies in the little things we do -

how you know you're good friends with someone:

for no rhymes nor reasons they call/text/email/msn you and start talking about the randomest things. such as, what time the paper shop is open/closed. or, whether you're free tomorrow to do... something that is to be figured out when you meet.

without saying a single syllable, they know how you feel. and they stick with you during your worst temper. and they tell you what's best to do, nonhesitantly, when you can no longer think.

they know your favourite restaurant, drink, food, chocolate, biscuit, sweets, chewies, etc.

they insist doing something for you even when you say they shan't. because they know deep inside you want them to

they don't ask for anything in return

you don't have to say, or do anything to each other. there's no such thing as awkward silence.

you don't have to compete, or prove anything.

you ask them the randomest questions, like, "am i pretty?" *dingz*

you feel safe when they're near.

you feel comfortable. even after an argument. heh.

they're your family. and with them, you're home.



i heart them. can you tell? :)

AGIdeas 2007

So. There's this big big big annual design conference in Melbourne called AGIdeas. Went there last year, twas all wonderful and amazing, so I thought I'd go again this year.

So I did.

Since I thought I was not going to Italy, I decided to use the money to buy the (frikkin) expensive tix. Even more expensive since not only I bought the normal conference tix, but also the Interact and Extend tix. With the Interact tix, you can go to a design studio of your preference. With the Extend tix, you can go to a design workshop.

I went to R-Co for Interact night – which was a bit stupid, really, since a good friend of mine works there and I can just ask her whatever I want to ask. But it was worth it in the end, it wasn't as good as my visit to Round last year definitely, but I learned something. I realized just how much I like creating corporate identity and branding and those sides of design.. which most designers that I know of despise. Which might be a good thing.

The conference itself was held for 3 days, in which about 40 designers talked - including Paul Davis, Paula Scher, Chip Kidd, David Tartakover, Andy Stevens from Graphic Thought Facility... the first three I mentioned were my faves. Paul Davis was just hilarious! (in a good way) I heard that for his workshop he's taking his group to this lounge/cafe in the city to create a mural made of food and wine. Now THAT should be good. I'm going to check it out with my friends at around 7 tonight. Paula Scher was.. well, Paula Scher. I mean, it's Paula Scher. She gave us this lecture about NYC - which was really good. I'm still so envious with that girl from Swinburne who gets an internship at Pentagram NY. Damn, I want THAT. Chip Kidd... Well. Chip Kidd belongs to a new paragraph.

Chip Kidd was very dramatic. In the funniest way. His lecture made me a bit worried because I was going to do a workshop with him (which I did this morning). I remember thinking ‘oh god, he's insane and i'm doing a workshop with him and i'm going to redesign the book jacket of his novel which he designed AND wrote!’ But he turns out okay, rather shy in real life, really. Maybe that's because he was extremely hungover and in pain (in his exact words). But anyway, his lecture was really fun and funny and apart from Big Nozzo, the only thing I can remember is ‘BLUE SKY, BLUE SKYYY?’ *amused* The workshop itself was okay, it started late, and after lunch we pinned up our assignments on the wall. I was a bit.. panicky. Anxious and no way near confident, really. Most people were doing it by the computer and to tell the truth, me, I'm a very hands-on person. If things can be done without the computer, I'll do so. I love using cut paper in my work, so I brought some with me, and ended up using the yellow paper. So there it was, hanging on the wall, my rather small (A4) bookjacket with my crude cut paper technique, surrounded by the computerised, A3, black and white book jackets (some of which have AWFUL typography. ugh.). We were asked to explain our works, Chip was giving out critiques to the first book jacket, and I was taking notes frantically, until about two minutes later when he said, “I really love this one, this is the best one out of all these.”

And he was pointing at my work.

Now. I am so used to being the one who gets criticised A LOT, and being confident isn't exactly my forte. Honestly. And there he was, one of my design heroes, loving my concept and execution. If good thing comes to those who wait, I sure have waited for it to come my way for a long, long time. And that compliment, it paid everything off. Every self-doubt that I've ever had, every tear I shed, every bit of frustration. Everything.

So he talked and talked and talked about how he likes it, and how it can be better, for about five minutes. And referring back to it again and again and again for every other book jacket. I felt as if I died and went to a design heaven. I'm not conceited, I swear, I'm just so.. happy. I didn't have to explain my idea, he got it, he loved it. And I'm SO happy. It was like an epiphany. That I would turn out okay. And that I might not be the most talented person but I would get by. That's more than enough for me.

We finished the workshop at around 3.30-ish and he took us to Metropolis. By tram. For which he had to buy the tix. Some journalists in the US reviewed him ‘the closest thing to a rockstar’, but a rockstar doesn't go around by a packed, stuffy, public transport, does he? He's just so down to earth, to tell the truth. Nothing snobby or anything. He never said no to us asking his autographs and taking his photographs and whatnots.

The conclusion, is that AGIdeas 2007 was Awesome. Chip Kidd was Awesome. and I'm Happy.

SO happy, you have no idea. :)

being me -

how can it be wrong, being myself?

this is one question which answer i might never get.

‘intense’ would be such an understatement.

i practically learned more things in the past week than my whole life combined.
it was insane.
totally insane.

projects, worries, woes, disappointments, betrayals,
life didn't go according to plan alright.

i'm still so delirious that it's over.
now we have (well, i do) a two week holiday.. sort of.
next week there's this big big big design conference thingy that everyone seems to be attending, so there would be no class at uni, sorta.
then the next week we've easter break.. which i will spend working my ass off trying to learn italian.

not going to french class today - it seems like i have lost my motivation..? don't really get it either.
i think i'm just extremely tired with everything from the last week. it is a HUGE relief that it's over.

good thing the bestie came the day after i submitted the big project, too.
now i can totally spoil ourselves and cook and go shop like a maniac and go eat chocs like there's no tomorrow.

off to go back to sleep.. i'm soooooooo tired.

from razzly

You Are 15% Left Brained, 85% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning. Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others. If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic. Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet. The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility. Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way. If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art. Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

Are You Right or Left Brained?

ooh. that explains..

above all else, he's making my heart smile -

isn't it funny how someone can turn you head over heels over him, without even knowing it?
how it feels so good when there's just the two of you,
talking about random things,
glancing secretly into each other's eyes?
how you can feel yourself falling, hard and fast, for a familiar stranger?

how, at that one single moment, you feel so unbelievably complete?

there's no other word to describe the present that we have.
there's no other word to describe him.

it's perfect.
he's perfect.

in this nothingness, we have everything.

Rock Werchter 2007

www.rockwerchter.be

i SO want to go.
SO bad.

keane, snow patrol, razorlight, muse, pearl jam, damien rice, ALL in one festival.
and they still hv 25 bands to be confirmed for the line up!!

I WANT TO GO.
even more than glastonbury.
*sniff*

i'm waiting until next week.
after my ticket to italy is confirmed, i'm booking the tix to rockwrechter straight away.

love/ hate/ life

studying design is not good for your mental health, and your physical one for that matter.

you get stressed out,
you spend a lot of money trying to get everything to be perfect
(even if everyone else says that it already is, just because being perfectionist roams in your veins),
you skip meals,
you are socially deprived,
you barely have spare time,
you don't live normally,
you get productive during crazy hours and that normally is when everybody else is sleeping,
you are anxious most of or all the time,
you crave from validation from others
(either regarding your idea, your work, yourself),
you work your ass off creating awesome work but jobs don't come your way,
you are barely appreciated,
you are expected to be a master in drawing even though in reality most designers can't draw,
your artwork would almost certainly get screwed up by the marketing team,
you get very low points if you're applying for permanent residency in australia,
you don't get a lot of money
(contrary of popular belief),
you strive to be different but alas everybody is.

but you stay in the industry, because despite the long list of the bads, you love doing what you do.

talk about being doomed.

in my case?

1 A-Z, 0-9 typeface design
1 DVD packaging mock up
ideas for poster
an entry for a design competition

i've got 8 hours to complete them.
the worse bit, is that i hurt my back this afternoon.
SO PAINFUL it made me cry.
(in private, of course. it is still painful, but i'm okay as long as no one touches it.)

am i gonna sleep?
of course i'm not.

design is not all gold and glitters.
being a designer is not an easy job.
so don't judge us.

don't think it's easy being us.

Italy.

I've got an offer from uni to go there for a month.

............
..........
........
......
.....
...
..
.

hell yeah i'm going.
this is ITALY we're talking about.

so i guess i should stop learning french for a while and start learning italian, no?

please let me be good enough-

i've always wanted to have an internship, and out of nowhere the opportunity comes up.
in one of my favourite studios, no less.

i really want this. this might be la chance de ma vie. this might open a bigger window.
this might help me shape a better future.

please let me be good enough.

please.

please.

a new one-

so here we are, in my new blog! yay!

this is supposed to be temporary, though. (temporary being the operative word..)
i'm in the process of creating a website for my portfolio, so until that one's up and ready, i'll use this for basically everything.
ummm. and about LJ – well, the really really old one was kind of abandoned anyway since it had gotten too.. public. then i created another one but it became sort of too private. don't want to create a friendster blog, so voilà, a blogger account.

i realized that this will be very public, maybe even more than my old LJ,but... i'll give this a chance.

welcome! :D